Kids say the darndest things

Well, like the title says, I've been having an ... interesting week. As those of you living in Adelaide know, this week has had some summer-like weather. That, combined with school holidays, really brought in a taste of summer. Wednesday, it's 33 degrees Celsius, Thursday it's 35. It was hard enough getting a parking spot Wednesday afternoon to go to the gym I have a membership of at the Adelaide Aquatic Centre (although surprisingly the gym wasn't as crowded I feared it might be - and a testament to that is that I've been using the exact same public locker the whole week. It's always been free whenever I came in), and Thursday I come in for the first of my two weekly swims to find that the carpark is totally full, and I have to park across the soccer field behind the Aquatic Centre, and then trek all the way across said soccer field, through the carparl, and then right past the line at reception because I have a membership card, into the Aquatic Centre. At least it wasn't hard getting a locker.

I'm changing into my swimming gear, when these two Viet kids and their dad come into the members' changeroom. One of them looks right at me as I pull on my goggles, and then remarks in Vietnamese that I've got glasses. I reply in Vietnamese that I have sunglasses too, which amuses the father.
Later on, I get up to go to the bathroom, and this little white kid comes in with me. We're both standing there at the urinal, and the little kid, for some reason is checking out my package, and then starts asking me about where I got my bathers and board shorts, and that he got his at Target. Dude, I don't even wanna know! What's even worse is that you're making urinal chat, and that is one of the MOST disgusting things that a man can ever do to another man. I do not want to be accosted by some guy while I'm relieving myself, see them checking me out, and least of all for them to try to make some chit-chat because they're lonely. Ugh, at least it was only a little kid doing all that, and not some creepy old guy.

My dad left for a holiday with friends in China about a week and a half or so ago, leaving at home myself, my brother, and my mum. It's sort of weird how, as the (current) oldest male in the house, I immediately gain superiority. My mum then starts being needy because she's left with noone in the house but herself on weekends. Case in point: A couple of Fridays ago it was the night of the Blue and White, which my brother had reluctantly decided to attend. I blame peer pressure. I had drawn early-midnight chauffeur duty, which meant that I had to take my brother to pick up his friend at Magill, and then drive all the way across town to Enfield to pick up their dates. My brother's date was late, so we ended up having to wait an hour before they came back. I spent that hour in the tape listening to stuff on my iRiver.
Interestingly enough, I once accidentally tricked a girl into believing that I had my own radio station. I was driving her back from uni to her place (near mine), and I put on my iRiver, which is connected to a radio transmitter. I tell her that we're listening to 93.3 AlexFM, and then she believes that I really do have a radio station playing Jpop and Jrock that she can tune into. But I digress.
The girls come in, I make comments about them being late, and I start driving to the before-party, which is conveniently located near the school, where the Blue and White formal is being held. As I drive there, I tease the girls about the stuff they talk about (one crashed her car while she was busy checking herself out in the mirror, the other crashed hers while she was looking for a minty), I could swear, my brother's date kept tapping me on the shoulder. If that's not an indicator of interest, I don't know what is. It might be more due to the fact that I drove them there in my nice Skyline rather than any other personality trait I might have, but meh, I haven't seen her again since that night.
Later that night, I end up picking them up, driving them back to the house of my brother's friend's date (what a mouthful), so they can change for the after-party, and drive my brother's date home (in Mawson Lakes no less).
Thankfully, I didn't have to pick them up from the after-party at 2-3am in the morning. My mum did.

I went out clubbing last weekend.
Friday night I went out with some net friends to Mansions in the city, near Rundle Mall. It was a big, noisy place, because there were a couple of pubcrawls going there at the time we came in - one from Flinders, and the other from gods-know-where. I come with my friend and we introduce ourselves to this group of girls. He got "claimed" by the big fat girl. I ended up getting this chubby girl who wasn't too bad herself, but was getting overly ... intimate. I'm sure it was her choice to get closer than normal rather than any desire to do anything else, like posing for a photo, but it was nice. I tried talking to these other girls, but unfortunately, they looked like internationals, and could not understand the gist of what I was saying to them.
Time goes on, we find that Mansions is getting boring, so we decide to take a 5 minute walk and hit Church. Again, nothing really good there, everyone else is out on the dance floor, and I'm not partial to the press of bodies that constitutes the dance floor at that time. Again, I see some other girls I walk up to and talk to, but it seems it must have been Foreign Legion night for me, they were international students too! They didn't understand what I wanted either. We end up walking down through Rundle Mall to Hindley Street to get something from Hungry Georges, which is unfortunately shut.
During our cruise through Rundle Mall, we find an empty troll. Not one to leave things like that alone, I grab it, run forward a bit, and then haul myself up off the ground, leaning on the trolley as it careens under its own power through the mall. My friend Dragos gets on, and then my other friend Adam starts spinning it around and around, to see if he can jump out and land on his feet. Lo and behold, as we're doing this, a cop van shows up, and we're all like "shit, the cops, better stop now," and then Dragos has to come up to the cop van to have a word with the good officers of the law.
He comes back to us afterwards.
"Thanks a lot you guys, now I've got a criminal record!"
Needless to say, this left us cacking ourselves. Unfortunately, nothing else happened that night.

Saturday night I come out to Empire Pool Lounge, to meet up with those same friends and then hit HQ soon after. Nothing really good at Empire, but the one thing I have discovered: it's a big Asian haunt. I'm not too surprised, considering most young Asians like to play pool, and Soul Bar isn't more than about ten minutes walk or so from there.
We come into HQ, nothing good, we come back out, questioning the door chick as to whether our UV-sensitive inked stamps actually worked, and demanded new ones. After stuffing around a bit, we come back in, and boy, ten minutes sure can be surprising. The club is packed, lots of people everywhere. My mates and I post up in a corner near the bar, and then about ten minutes later, this promo chick comes in. The first thing you see isn't her face, nor is it the skimpy dress she's wearing. It's her absolutely massive breasts. I swear, you look at a pair like that and think "watermelon," which instantly leads to thoughts questioning whether they're organically grown or genetically modified (or cosmetically modified in this case) melons.
Trying my hardest to keep my gaze away from her bust and on her face, I see this promo chick is an Asian girl. She talks to us about signing up for some VIP membership for the club which is free, and then my friend Ben starts making chitchat with her. He asks her if many guys crack onto her, she replies it's normally asking her "are they real?" Now I chime in.
"Since we're on the subject, are they?" I ask. The promo chick claims they are, but if you look at a bust that size, it is nigh-impossible to believe that they are real. She claims she's not Asian, but instead some islander chick.
Later on at HQ, we come across this trio of girls. I walk right up to them and talk to them. One of the girls immediately asks me "What nationality are you? Asian I know, but which one? Are you Japanese?"
It's very surprising the first one she happens across is Japanese. It might be because of the way I was dressed at that time (dark Diesel jeans, white belt with safety-buckle belt buckle, dog tags, black singlet and open black short-sleeved button-up shirt), but honestly, that she went Japanese first immediately set off some alarms. I reply that I wasn't, but I spoke it. She wants me to prove it. So I do.

ME: あなた は おたく です か？ (translation: Are you an otaku?)
HER: あれ は なに です か？ (translation: what's that?)

I then explain to her that otaku means nerd, and that I asked her that because almost all the Japanese speakers I know are nerds/geeks (truth). All this time the three of em are smoking, blowing smoke in my face, and I wave it right back into theirs with a cheeky grin.
They then try to guess my nationality. They can't work it out until I hint that it starts with a V. Yes, that's right. They guess Vietnamese. They want me to teach them some, so I teach one of them how to say what their name is. I then get the quick learner to get me a drink (water, so it's free), promising to teach them how to swear. She does, and I do. Unfortunately nothing came out of that.

At about 2am, me and my friend Ben have come out of HQ, having had enough of clubbing for one night, and hit Marcellina's for some late night pizza. We're sitting there, chatting about stuff, when this girl comes over to our table on a dare to get Ben to agree to come home with her. He really makes her work for it, and all this time she's being really desperate and not wanting to be there, just wanting to get it overwith as well. She sort of spurns me (the bitch), and then Ben goes "sorry, I don't do girls who don't help my friends." (correct me if this wasn't what you said).
She replies "I don't do threesomes."
I reply "what about foursomes?"

Certainly an interesting end to a fun night.

My dad comes back from China this Sunday, so hopefully my mum will stop medicating my brother and myself with food to try to get over her anxiety of being alone. I mean, honestly, we have had so much rich food, I almost feel sick. Quiche for breakfast, sausages for breakfast, pancakes for breakfast (I rarely eat those anymore because they are very bad on the waistline), this really nice Viet dish called Bun Cha (grilled pork, fish sauce and rice vermicelli) for dinner, and today, we went to Cafe Primo for a rich-as Italian meal, topped off with what was the thickest pancake that I have ever seen, complimented by a small bowl of maple sauce and a small bowl of cream.
I was going to try dieting this week, going back on the soup, but the first night I do, my mum goes on the full guilt-trip thing about how she cooked all this food and that I didn't eat it and now it's such a waste, etc that I dropped the diet after one day and decided to wait until my dad got back before trying it properly again. I swear, she claims to buy all this fatty food (biscuits, chips, ice cream, soft drinks) for herself, but she never eats it. My brother and I do. She knows this. I think it's a subtle form of mind control, to keep us dependent on her, which is why she's so against me moving out - she wants to hold onto me as long as possible. On the other hand, I want to move into a bachelor pad where I control fully what I eat, when I eat, when I go out, when I wake up, and so on. It's also handy to bring girls back to, because then they don't have to do a walk of shame past the breakfast table to the door, or try to avoid the parents.

Till next time!